... and gargantuan levels of sex apeal too, but that's again an entirely different blog entry. hahah.
i have lived my life without anyone completely aware and involved in the entirety of my agenda and affairs. it could be said that everyone has their own secrets, but in my case i live another life completely refractory to one that i have maintained in public perception. i'm not complaining. i can live life on both ends. i carry a reputation of a person ruled by norms, tradition and expectation, while on the other end of the stick make my own terms and govern my principles with spontaineity and living on the edge. All in discretion of course, and with proper time management. It feels liberating to be able to maintain both characters that differ as much as day and night. Everything has to be planned on account of friction. I segregate all aspects of both meticulously, knowing that what belongs to one could never belong to the other. I've never thought that anyone could shift from one side of me to the other with as much understanding and respect for both as i do.
For a woman, (or a girl) who plays two separate roles, the conflict of "completeness" is the only thing central . To be complete is to be self aware, and as much as she pulls both lives with ease, and even balance, there is no focal value to which she could assign her being to. Who is she really? What purpose does she bear? In the movement of the universe, what is her ultimate contribution?
All this profound questioning is solved when merging occurs. And really, the only purpose of this blog is to express my undying appreciation for the people who have surprisingly superglued my blacks and whites together. These are the people who, through having amazingly flexible persona, saw beyond the mask that I wore while i walked in the crowd. These are the people who have cushioned me from the falls and sacrifices that I had to take in surpassing my very own denials of painful truths that were my motivations in forming barriers. People, who through undecipherable linggo, made me understand the simplicity of my situation. People who brought down the walls, slapped me to wake up, and pushed me back to living life front and center.
The realms are there, still there. But the confidence in living life as it is, and not as to how it should be has bridged them into the realization of one soul, one calling, one purpose. This is the ultimate fortitude of my young, and still growing life. Much credit of my awakening goes to these people. The people who refused to be filed in one side. Stubborn people who loved me for the whole of me that I hadn't known until lately.
My ecstasy rests in the thought of breathing in the air as a brand new person. Solid. Intricate. Complicated. Unyeilding.
To these people in my life. Thank you.
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