The End Questions

How is it possible for anyone to feel this much pain? Why are we programmed to feel this.... this. There's no word for it. Pain is too small a word to justify it. Yet at the same time, I think at the back of my head, what's the point? It's over, so what. You're twenty two. You will do better. This is a great opportunity.

Still it feels like a knife tore into my heart, and everyday I wonder where I went wrong. While my head keeps going on with all the right answers, I sit here crying my eyes out, refusing to operate, refusing to want to take the logical route out of this emotion.

Why do we suffer these blows that we recognize as love? Why do all the wrong songs play when you come to this intolerable phase of doubt? This dark place is worsened by the ghosts of the past that the world seems to throw at you. How can the world be such a mean comedian using signs and memories as puns that slash at your pride, while the world, including him, seem to laugh on.

I have no doubt in my head that I'll emerge out of this.

Still it would have left a wound so deep I'm scared of what it would turn me into.

I opened my eyes, and see that the world is unfair, or maybe I've always apparently been a bad judge of action and retribution.

Did I fall short? Did he love me? Could I still save it?

Remind me why the world's order of things requires victims and predators.

Explain to me why the good man seem to be down on his luck.

Tell me why a anyone can love so deeply to give everything, when there's apparently nothing in store for her at the end, or ever, or to begin with.


Again, I have no doubt in my mind that I'll be fine.

Still, a moment can change you, and while I mourn for my heart's loss, I wonder...

would I ever allow myself to love like that again?










God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things that should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.


Help me through this. :_(